Birthdays

The celebration of keeping death at bay for yet another year, yay!

Problem is that for one thing or another, I can probably think of 1 or 2 of the birthdays that I remember where something fucking shit happened to ruin it. For at least 6 of those years, this was purely down to the girl that I was going out with (and eventually got engaged to...but only because of her constant nagging, however I'll come back to that later...) being a bitch (I would go into more detail but don't think there's enough blog space in the world to talk about that, plus I've told so many people while pissed I'm sure that even Heat, Chat & OK would be bored of hearing it, also I'm not wasting any more time on her).

Birthdays themselves don't phase me, its what they represent for me, which is a reminder of how much time I've wasted, mostly through having my spirit crushed out of me by the aforementioned bitch. I also approach birthdays hoping that "this one will be different, today will be a wicked happy cool day where I feel special", and then, because disappointment hits me very hard (not to mention very frequently) and I'm expect it more than normal, I'm always on edge, waiting for something to fuck it up.

Going back to the point I mentioned earlier about the engagement... The fact that I was nagged into it, it wasn't something I wanted to do, off my own back, unprovoked, really should have been the sign that it was time to get out (though there was so many signs before that), but because I was comfortable (kind of) I stayed with her. The biggest mistake I've ever made...so far...

It wasn't until a certain young lady turned up one day and made me think that there was hope for me, that I grew some balls and a back bone. She knows who she is.