The Important things to remember...

 I am who I am. I didn't choose to be me, it just happened. Someone tried to change me once...so I eventually dumped the bitch. I tried to change myself, but that didn't work, mainly because I realised that what I was doing to myself was wrong.

During my time (excluding my wasted years with the bitch, which were hell 99.9% of time...even bitches need to sleep sometime), I've had some very dark hours where VERY bad thoughts crossed my mind and sat there. Thankfully, they only manifested as thoughts and never made it into reality; if they had, I wouldn't be here typing this now. The main reason why those thoughts never went further is because that kind of action is selfish -

What about the people you leave behind?
How would you feel if your child did that? It would torture them for the rest of their lives.
What about your friends? The real friends, the ones who would remember you forever, the ones who wished you'd opened your mouth and said something, not sat in silence and let it take over your mind?

People let things fester and eat away at their minds. Sadly, this is something I do, which I shouldn't. For fucks sake, I've been there for so many people, even (potentially) saved someones life, I have a right to feel good about myself (and not in a big headed way).

So, at the time of writing, I have no money (permanently), the job market is way to unstable for me to get the fuck out of my current job, I need a new place to live but there is very little out there I want for the rent level I need, and then of course there is the massive issue of finding someone to share life with, but that's an old story.

"Chin up" as the old saying goes, so to help me to do so, things to remember:
- I'm not homeless
- I'm healthy (technically)
- I'm relatively sane (although I prefer to call myself "interesting" or "alternative")
- I have all my own hair and teeth
- I've been told that I know how to please a woman in the bedroom...on the floor, sofa, staircase...
- I'm funny and imaginative
- I'm not hated, and people are pleased to see me
- I haven't killed anyone
- As a result of a nearly suprise 30th birthday party, I have a lot of people who know and care

These are some of the things that I need to remember. It would pretty shallow to have these things recited to me by someone (which sadly I have been, but in my defence, if I'm the only one saying it, I doubt myself, and it comes across at ego boosting, which isn't intended) so I decided to write it down to take a better shot at giving myself the kick up the arse that I seem to need from time to time when life gets too much, and so here we are...

**This blog is mainly for my personal reference, rather than being an actual blog entry. The above most likely comes across as self indulgent ego bollocks, but it's purpose is purely to keep my self confidence up, nothing more**